Five Books Of The Lives, Heroic Deeds And Sayings Of Gargantua And His Son Pantagruel Read online

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  Five Books Of The Lives, Heroic Deeds And Sayings Of Gargantua And His Son Pantagruel

  Francis Rabelais

  Translated into English by Sir Thomas Urquhart of Cromarty and Peter Antony Motteux

  The First Book

  Introduction

  Chapter I

  The Author's Prologue to the First Book

  Chapter 1.I.--Of the Genealogy and Antiquity of Gargantua

  Chapter 1.II.--The Antidoted Fanfreluches: or, a Galimatia of extravagant Conceits found in an ancient Monument

  Chapter 1.III.--How Gargantua was carried eleven months in his mother's belly

  Chapter 1.IV.--How Gargamelle, being great with Gargantua, did eat a huge deal of tripes

  Chapter 1.V.--The Discourse of the Drinkers

  Chapter 1.VI.--How Gargantua was born in a strange manner

  Chapter 1.VII.--After what manner Gargantua had his name given him, and how he tippled, bibbed, and curried the can

  Chapter 1.VIII.--How they apparelled Gargantua

  Chapter 1.IX.--The colours and liveries of Gargantua

  Chapter 1.X.--Of that which is signified by the colours white and blue

  Chapter 1.XI.--Of the youthful age of Gargantua

  Chapter 1.XII.--Of Gargantua's wooden horses

  Chapter 1.XIII.--How Gargantua's wonderful understanding became known to his father Grangousier, by the invention of a torchecul or wipebreech

  Chapter 1.XIV.--How Gargantua was taught Latin by a Sophister

  Chapter 1.XV.--How Gargantua was put under other schoolmasters

  Chapter 1.XVI.--How Gargantua was sent to Paris, and of the huge great mare that he rode on; how she destroyed the oxflies of the Beauce

  Chapter 1.XVII.--How Gargantua paid his welcome to the Parisians, and how he took away the great bells of Our Lady's Church

  Chapter 1.XVIII.--How Janotus de Bragmardo was sent to Gargantua to recover the great bells

  Chapter 1.XIX.--The oration of Master Janotus de Bragmardo for recovery of the bells

  Chapter 1.XX.--How the Sophister carried away his cloth, and how he had a suit in law against the other masters

  Chapter 1.XXI.--The study of Gargantua, according to the discipline of his schoolmasters the Sophisters

  Chapter 1.XXII.--The games of Gargantua

  Chapter 1.XXIII.--How Gargantua was instructed by Ponocrates, and in such sort disciplinated, that he lost not one hour of the day

  Chapter 1.XXIV.--How Gargantua spent his time in rainy weather

  Chapter 1.XXV.--How there was great strife and debate raised betwixt the cake-bakers of Lerne, and those of Gargantua's country, whereupon were waged great wars

  Chapter 1.XXVI.--How the inhabitants of Lerne, by the commandment of Picrochole their king, assaulted the shepherds of Gargantua unexpectedly and on a sudden

  Chapter 1.XXVII.--How a monk of Seville saved the close of the abbey from being ransacked by the enemy

  Chapter 1.XXVIII.--How Picrochole stormed and took by assault the rock Clermond, and of Grangousier's unwillingness and aversion from the undertaking of war

  Chapter 1.XXIX.--The tenour of the letter which Grangousier wrote to his son Gargantua

  Chapter 1.XXX.--How Ulric Gallet was sent unto Picrochole

  Chapter 1.XXXI.--The speech made by Gallet to Picrochole

  Chapter 1.XXXII.--How Grangousier, to buy peace, caused the cakes to be restored

  Chapter 1.XXXIII.--How some statesmen of Picrochole, by hairbrained counsel, put him in extreme danger

  Chapter 1.XXXIV.--How Gargantua left the city of Paris to succour his country, and how Gymnast encountered with the enemy

  Chapter 1.XXXV.--How Gymnast very souply and cunningly killed Captain Tripet and others of Picrochole's men

  Chapter 1.XXXVI.--How Gargantua demolished the castle at the ford of Vede, and how they passed the ford

  Chapter 1.XXXVII.--How Gargantua, in combing his head, made the great cannon-balls fall out of his hair

  Chapter 1.XXXVIII.--How Gargantua did eat up six pilgrims in a salad

  Chapter 1.XXXIX.--How the Monk was feasted by Gargantua, and of the jovial discourse they had at supper

  Chapter 1.XL.--Why monks are the outcasts of the world; and wherefore some have bigger noses than others

  Chapter 1.XLI.--How the Monk made Gargantua sleep, and of his hours and breviaries

  Chapter 1.XLII.--How the Monk encouraged his fellow-champions, and how he hanged upon a tree

  Chapter 1.XLIII.--How the scouts and fore-party of Picrochole were met with by Gargantua, and how the Monk slew Captain Drawforth, and then was taken prisoner by his enemies

  Chapter 1.XLIV.--How the Monk rid himself of his keepers, and how Picrochole's forlorn hope was defeated

  Chapter 1.XLV.--How the Monk carried along with him the Pilgrims, and of the good words that Grangousier gave them

  Chapter 1.XLVI.--How Grangousier did very kindly entertain Touchfaucet his prisoner

  Chapter 1.XLVII.--How Grangousier sent for his legions, and how Touchfaucet slew Rashcalf, and was afterwards executed by the command of Picrochole

  Chapter 1.XLVIII.--How Gargantua set upon Picrochole within the rock Clermond, and utterly defeated the army of the said Picrochole

  Chapter 1.XLIX.--How Picrochole in his flight fell into great misfortunes, and what Gargantua did after the battle

  Chapter 1.L.--Gargantua's speech to the vanquished

  Chapter 1.LI.--How the victorious Gargantuists were recompensed after the battle

  Chapter 1.LII.--How Gargantua caused to be built for the Monk the Abbey of Theleme

  Chapter 1.LIII.--How the abbey of the Thelemites was built and endowed

  Chapter 1.LIV.--The inscription set upon the great gate of Theleme

  Chapter LIV

  Chapter 1.LV.--What manner of dwelling the Thelemites had

  Chapter 1.LVI.--How the men and women of the religious order of Theleme were apparelled

  Chapter 1.LVII.--How the Thelemites were governed, and of their manner of living

  Chapter 1.LVIII.--A prophetical Riddle

  THE SECOND BOOK.

  For the Reader

  The Author's Prologue

  Chapter 2.I.--Of the original and antiquity of the great Pantagruel

  Chapter 2.II.--Of the nativity of the most dread and redoubted Pantagruel

  Chapter 2.III.--Of the grief wherewith Gargantua was moved at the decease of his wife Badebec

  Chapter 2.IV.--Of the infancy of Pantagruel

  Chapter 2.V.--Of the acts of the noble Pantagruel in his youthful age

  Chapter 2.VI.--How Pantagruel met with a Limousin, who too affectedly did counterfeit the French language

  Chapter 2.VII.--How Pantagruel came to Paris, and of the choice books of the Library of St. Victor

  Chapter 2.VIII.--How Pantagruel, being at Paris, received letters from his father Gargantua, and the copy of them

  Chapter 2.IX.--How Pantagruel found Panurge, whom he loved all his lifetime

  Chapter 2.X.--How Pantagruel judged so equitably of a controversy, which was wonderfully obscure and difficult, that, by reason of his just decree therein, he was reputed to have a most admirable judgment

  Chapter 2.XI.--How the Lords of Kissbreech and Suckfist did plead before Pantagruel without an attorney

  Chapter 2.XII.--How the Lord of Suckfist pleaded before Pantagruel

  Chapter 2.XIII.--How Pantagruel gave judgment upon the difference of the two lords

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sp; Chapter 2.XIV.--How Panurge related the manner how he escaped out of the hands of the Turks

  Chapter 2.XV.--How Panurge showed a very new way to build the walls of Paris

  Chapter 2.XVI.--Of the qualities and conditions of Panurge

  Chapter 2.XVII.--How Panurge gained the pardons, and married the old women, and of the suit in law which he had at Paris

  Chapter 2.XVIII.--How a great scholar of England would have argued against Pantagruel, and was overcome by Panurge

  Chapter 2.XIX.--How Panurge put to a nonplus the Englishman that argued by signs

  Chapter 2.XX.--How Thaumast relateth the virtues and knowledge of Panurge

  Chapter 2.XXI.--How Panurge was in love with a lady of Paris

  Chapter 2.XXII.--How Panurge served a Parisian lady a trick that pleased her not very well

  Chapter 2.XXIII.--How Pantagruel departed from Paris, hearing news that the Dipsodes had invaded the land of the Amaurots; and the cause wherefore the leagues are so short in France

  Chapter 2.XXIV.--A letter which a messenger brought to Pantagruel from a lady of Paris, together with the exposition of a posy written in a gold ring

  Chapter 2.XXV.--How Panurge, Carpalin, Eusthenes, and Epistemon, the gentlemen attendants of Pantagruel, vanquished and discomfited six hundred and threescore horsemen very cunningly

  Chapter 2.XXVI.--How Pantagruel and his company were weary in eating still salt meats; and how Carpalin went a-hunting to have some venison

  Chapter 2.XXVII.--How Pantagruel set up one trophy in memorial of their valour, and Panurge another in remembrance of the hares. How Pantagruel likewise with his farts begat little men, and with his fisgs little women; and how Panurge broke a great staff over two glasses

  Chapter 2.XXVIII.--How Pantagruel got the victory very strangely over the Dipsodes and the Giants

  Chapter 2.XXIX.--How Pantagruel discomfited the three hundred giants armed with free-stone, and Loupgarou their captain

  Chapter 2.XXX.--How Epistemon, who had his head cut off, was finely healed by Panurge, and of the news which he brought from the devils, and of the damned people in hell

  Chapter 2.XXXI.--How Pantagruel entered into the city of the Amaurots, and how Panurge married King Anarchus to an old lantern-carrying hag, and made him a crier of green sauce

  Chapter 2.XXXII.--How Pantagruel with his tongue covered a whole army, and what the author saw in his mouth

  Chapter 2.XXXIII.--How Pantagruel became sick, and the manner how he was recovered

  Chapter 2.XXXIV.--The conclusion of this present book, and the excuse of the author

  Book the Third

  Chapter 3.I.--How Pantagruel transported a colony of Utopians into Dipsody

  Chapter 3.II.--How Panurge was made Laird of Salmigondin in Dipsody, and did waste his revenue before it came in

  Chapter 3.III.--How Panurge praiseth the debtors and borrowers

  Chapter 3.IV.--Panurge continueth his discourse in the praise of borrowers and lenders

  Chapter 3.V.--How Pantagruel altogether abhorreth the debtors and borrowers

  Chapter 3.VI.--Why new married men were privileged from going to the wars

  Chapter 3.VII.--How Panurge had a flea in his ear, and forbore to wear any longer his magnificent codpiece

  Chapter 3.VIII.--Why the codpiece is held to be the chief piece of armour amongst warriors

  Chapter 3.IX.--How Panurge asketh counsel of Pantagruel whether he should marry, yea, or no

  Chapter 3.X.--How Pantagruel representeth unto Panurge the difficulty of giving advice in the matter of marriage; and to that purpose mentioneth somewhat of the Homeric and Virgilian lotteries

  Chapter 3.XI.--How Pantagruel showeth the trial of one's fortune by the throwing of dice to be unlawful

  Chapter 3.XII.--How Pantagruel doth explore by the Virgilian lottery what fortune Panurge shall have in his marriage

  Chapter 3.XIII.--How Pantagruel adviseth Panurge to try the future good or bad luck of his marriage by dreams

  Chapter 3.XIV.--Panurge's dream, with the interpretation thereof

  Chapter 3.XV.--Panurge's excuse and exposition of the monastic mystery concerning powdered beef

  Chapter 3.XVI.--How Pantagruel adviseth Panurge to consult with the Sibyl of Panzoust

  Chapter 3.XVII.--How Panurge spoke to the Sibyl of Panzoust

  Chapter 3.XVIII.--How Pantagruel and Panurge did diversely expound the verses of the Sibyl of Panzoust

  Chapter 3.XIX.--How Pantagruel praiseth the counsel of dumb men

  Chapter 3.XX.--How Goatsnose by signs maketh answer to Panurge

  Chapter 3.XXI.--How Panurge consulteth with an old French poet, named Raminagrobis

  Chapter 3.XXII.--How Panurge patrocinates and defendeth the Order of the Begging Friars

  Chapter 3.XXIII.--How Panurge maketh the motion of a return to Raminagrobis

  Chapter 3.XXIV.--How Panurge consulteth with Epistemon

  Chapter 3.XXV.--How Panurge consulteth with Herr Trippa

  Chapter 3.XXVI.--How Panurge consulteth with Friar John of the Funnels

  Chapter 3.XXVII.--How Friar John merrily and sportingly counselleth Panurge

  Chapter 3.XXVIII.--How Friar John comforteth Panurge in the doubtful matter of cuckoldry

  Chapter 3.XXIX.--How Pantagruel convocated together a theologian, physician, lawyer, and philosopher, for extricating Panurge out of the perplexity wherein he was

  Chapter 3.XXX.--How the theologue, Hippothadee, giveth counsel to Panurge in the matter and business of his nuptial enterprise

  Chapter 3.XXXI.--How the physician Rondibilis counselleth Panurge

  Chapter 3.XXXII.--How Rondibilis declareth cuckoldry to be naturally one of the appendances of marriage

  Chapter 3.XXXIII.--Rondibilis the physician's cure of cuckoldry

  Chapter 3.XXXIV.--How women ordinarily have the greatest longing after things prohibited

  Chapter 3.XXXV.--How the philosopher Trouillogan handleth the difficulty of marriage

  Chapter 3.XXXVI.--A continuation of the answer of the Ephectic and Pyrrhonian philosopher Trouillogan

  Chapter 3.XXXVII.--How Pantagruel persuaded Panurge to take counsel of a fool

  Chapter 3.XXXVIII.--How Triboulet is set forth and blazed by Pantagruel and Panurge

  Chapter 3.XXXIX.--How Pantagruel was present at the trial of Judge Bridlegoose, who decided causes and controversies in law by the chance and fortune of the dice

  Chapter 3.XL.--How Bridlegoose giveth reasons why he looked upon those law- actions which he decided by the chance of the dice

  Chapter 3.XLI.--How Bridlegoose relateth the history of the reconcilers of parties at variance in matters of law

  Chapter 3.XLII.--How suits at law are bred at first, and how they come afterwards to their perfect growth

  Chapter 3.XLIII.--How Pantagruel excuseth Bridlegoose in the matter of sentencing actions at law by the chance of the dice

  Chapter 3.XLIV.--How Pantagruel relateth a strange history of the perplexity of human judgment

  Chapter 3.XLV.--How Panurge taketh advice of Triboulet

  Chapter 3.XLVI.--How Pantagruel and Panurge diversely interpret the words of Triboulet

  Chapter 3.XLVII.--How Pantagruel and Panurge resolved to make a visit to the Oracle of the Holy Bottle

  Chapter 3.XLVIII.--How Gargantua showeth that the children ought not to marry without the special knowledge and advice of their fathers and mothers

  Chapter 3.XLIX.--How Pantagruel did put himself in a readiness to go to sea; and of the herb named Pantagruelion

  Chapter 3.L.--How the famous Pantagruelion ought to be prepared and wrought

  Chapter 3.LI.--Why it is called Pantagruelion, and of the admirable virtues thereof

  Chapter 3.LII.--How a certain kind of Pantagruelion is of that nature that the fire is not able to consume it

  The Fourth Book

  The Translator's Preface

  The Author's Epistle Dedicatory

  Chapter 4.
I.--How Pantagruel went to sea to visit the oracle of Bacbuc, alias the Holy Bottle

  Chapter 4.II.--How Pantagruel bought many rarities in the island of Medamothy

  Chapter 4.III.--How Pantagruel received a letter from his father Gargantua, and of the strange way to have speedy news from far distant places

  Chapter 4.IV.--How Pantagruel writ to his father Gargantua, and sent him several curiosities

  Chapter 4.V.--How Pantagruel met a ship with passengers returning from Lantern-land

  Chapter 4.VI.--How, the fray being over, Panurge cheapened one of Dingdong's sheep

  Chapter 4.VII.--Which if you read you'll find how Panurge bargained with Dingdong

  Chapter 4.VIII.--How Panurge caused Dingdong and his sheep to be drowned in the sea

  Chapter 4.IX.--How Pantagruel arrived at the island of Ennasin, and of the strange ways of being akin in that country

  Chapter 4.X.--How Pantagruel went ashore at the island of Chely, where he saw King St. Panigon

  Chapter 4.XI.--Why monks love to be in kitchens

  Chapter 4.XII.--How Pantagruel passed by the land of Pettifogging, and of the strange way of living among the Catchpoles

  Chapter 4.XIII.--How, like Master Francis Villon, the Lord of Basche commended his servants

  Chapter 4.XIV.--A further account of catchpoles who were drubbed at Basche's house

  Chapter 4.XV.--How the ancient custom at nuptials is renewed by the catchpole

  Chapter 4.XVI.--How Friar John made trial of the nature of the catchpoles

  Chapter 4.XVII.--How Pantagruel came to the islands of Tohu and Bohu; and of the strange death of Wide-nostrils, the swallower of windmills

  Chapter 4.XVIII.--How Pantagruel met with a great storm at sea

  Chapter 4.XIX.--What countenances Panurge and Friar John kept during the storm

  Chapter 4.XX.--How the pilots were forsaking their ships in the greatest stress of weather

  Chapter 4.XXI.--A continuation of the storm, with a short discourse on the subject of making testaments at sea

  Chapter 4.XXII.--An end of the storm

  Chapter 4.XXIII.--How Panurge played the good fellow when the storm was over

  Chapter 4.XXIV.--How Panurge was said to have been afraid without reason during the storm

  Chapter 4.XXV.--How, after the storm, Pantagruel went on shore in the islands of the Macreons