Once Dead, Twice Shy Read online

  Smug, I leaned across the bed and dragged my camera over. I still had five minutes or so before Josh got here. Time enough to send a picture to Wendy. She'd e-mailed me last night with a shot of her and my old boyfriend, taken on the beach at sunset. They looked good together, and after I got over my mad, I realized it was time to let go. I'd been trying to hold on to the way it had been, but I couldn't. It was already gone. I was e-mailing the past, trying to make it my future, when my future was somewhere else. But that didn't mean I couldn't drive her mad with envy with my yellow tights.

  Standing, I tugged the wrinkles out of my skirt, hoping the day was going to be as warm as the skies predicted. Holding the camera in front of me, I found a martial arts pose, then shifted my hand until I was in the viewfinder, reflected in the mirror above my dresser. Annoyed, I set the camera down. My bed would be in the picture, and it was still a carefully contrived mess.

  Tidying it was easy, and I put the vampire teddy bear Wendy had given me in the place of honor between the lacy pillows my dad had thought I'd like. The room was nothing like the dark cave at my mom's house. The white dresser decorated with rosebuds didn't do it for me. Neither did the antique-looking comforter or the slew of lacy pillows that I threw off the bed every night to convince my dad that I was sleeping. The pale rose color of the walls was comforting, though, going well with the cream carpet. It was painfully obvious that my dad had forgotten I wasn't six anymore and had filled the room with frilly pink-and-white girl stuff I'd shunned for years.

  My fingers that were arranging the pillows slowed as I realized my room was almost identical to my room before we had left. Sort of like the kitchen and the living room, all carrying whispers of my mother. He wasn't letting go, either.

  My mood going introspective, I picked up the camera. It had hurt not seeing Wendy every day. We'd known each other since fifth grade, and she was probably the reason I'd never made it completely into the popular crowd, now that I thought about it. She was more oddball than me, but I'd refused to ditch her when I'd finally been invited in, trying to bring her along with me instead. Wendy had quietly stood by me with her environmentally conscious lunch tote and her political music blaring, knowing I was making a mistake but confident enough in herself to wait for me to realize it. Expecting to find another friend like her amid the Amys and Lens looked really slim. Josh, though, was turning out to be cool.

  The shutter clicked, and I dropped my arm and my smile both. I plugged the camera into my laptop. At least that had come with me from my mom's and it was suitably dark and broody. The background was of my favorite alternative band. Wendy had introduced me to them, but to be honest, I liked the aggressive noise more than the message behind it.

  Immediately the picture uploaded, and I opened it to check out the resolution.

  My skin still retained its beach tan, which was weird, but I chalked it up to my not having a real body. The purple tips of my hair were starting to fade, though. It hadn't grown at all since I died, and I wondered if I was going to look like this forever. My eyes went to my small chest, and I sighed. Not good. So not good. But then I looked closer at the picture, frowning.

  "Oh, crap," I whispered, alarm icing through me. I could see my bed behind me. I mean, I could see through me to my bed. Scared, I looked at my hands. They looked solid to me, but the picture said different.

  "Oh, crap…" I stood in front of the mirror, fear making the memory of my heart pound. I looked okay there, too, but when I picked up my camera and looked at myself through the lens…

  "Oh, crap!" I said a third time. It wasn't obvious, but there was a hint of shadow where the bed was, and even a shape of pillows.

  This was so not what I needed. Josh was ready to knock on my door to carry me off to battle the evil reaper master and steal his amulet. I didn't have time to be substance challenged. Worried, I gripped my amulet and loosened my focus, trying to jump into that misty state I'd been in yesterday to check things out. Maybe I'd broken too many threads when I'd practiced going invisible? Maybe I'd begun an unraveling that I couldn't fix? Grace had told me not to do it. But I'd never know if I didn't stop shaking!

  My time spent with Barnabas on my roof learning to relax paid off, and slowly my pulse vanished. My teeth unclenched, and I found in my thoughts the hazy imagination of my life thread and the lacy spider-silk net joining it to the cosmos. Immediately the knot in my gut relaxed. The threads of connection were obvious, tying me to the present as the future slipped into the now. My thoughts were throwing out new threads as fast as the sun ticked across the sky, pulling me along with the rest of the world. I hadn't broken anything.

  "Then why can I see through myself?" I whispered. Panic subsiding to concern, I pulled up my picture of my shoes on my laptop. I'd been in them at the time I'd taken the photo. Squinting, I looked again, but the little I could see of my ankles seemed normal. Relieved, I dumped both pictures into the trash and emptied it. Wendy would have to do without. No way was I ever going to let anyone take another picture of me.

  The sound of a vehicle coming up the quiet residential street made me lean out the window. A smile grew when I saw Josh's old blue pickup. He was here. Finally.

  Scrambling, I unplugged my camera, grabbed my wallet, slapped my back pocket to make sure I had my phone, and started into the hall. Please, please, please don't let my dad know I've been out this morning. This could all come to a nasty, screeching halt really fast.

  "Madison?" my dad's voice echoed faintly. "Josh is here!"

  He sounded unbothered, and I exhaled. "Be right there!" I called as I flounced down the stairs in relief. My dad waited at the bottom beside the front door, looking casual in jeans and a lightweight shirt, smiling. I'd done it again, but just.

  "Don't forget the printer," he said, handing me a small camera case. "I put extra paper and ink in there," he said as I looped the strap over my shoulder, feeling guilty. "Enough to take as many pictures as you want."

  "Jeez, Dad," I said as I looked inside. "How many pictures do you think people are going to want?" I wasn't even going to be there. How was I going to explain not using any of this? But I had to confront Kairos now, disapproving Grace or not. If she really thought I was in danger, then she ought to go get Ron.

  "I know you," my dad said. "When you get behind a camera, you can't help yourself. Consider it my contribution. It's tax deductible!" he said, his smile turning into a wide grin that made his long face seem to light up. "And I like your pictures," he said, giving me a hug good-bye. "Everyone else will too. You look nice today. You were right. Purple is your color." His expression went thoughtful, and he looked out at Josh's truck. "You and Barnabas aren't having trouble, are you?"

  I jerked to a stop. Oh, yeah. "Dad, I told you Barnabas and I are just friends."

  "He hangs around an awful lot for being just a friend," my dad warned.

  "Just a friend," I said firmly. "And he knows it. I'm only spending the day with Josh. It's not a big deal. If we're lucky, Barnabas will show up, and we can do the fair together."

  Nodding, he put a hand on my shoulder. "Sounds like you've got it under control," he said, and I strangled what would have been a hysterical-sounding laugh. "Have fun today."

  "I will," I said, my worry and guilt rising. I could almost hear Grace singing about the girl who was a liar and fell into a fryer. "Thanks for the printer and everything." I was such a bad daughter. But he'd known what he was getting when my mom shipped me up here—mostly.

  My dad followed me as far as the porch when Josh got out of his truck. "Hi, Mr. A.," Josh said, waving. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, but I could see his gym bag shoved up against the back, window dressing for today's performance, I guess.

  Scanning for black wings, I hurriedly got in his truck and slammed the door, anxious to leave. The Harley bell was glowing, and I leaned forward as I put my seat belt on. "Grace, do I look okay to you?" I asked, remembering my picture. "Am I thin? I mean, transparent?"

  The thrum of he
r wings grew obvious. "No," she said, hovering before me. "Why?"

  I took a breath to tell her, then changed my mind when Josh opened his door. "Later."

  Josh slid back in behind the wheel and looked askance at me as he shut his door. "Feeling guilty?" he teased, seeing my worry.

  Rolling my eyes, I grimaced. "Josh," I said, trying to find a worldly air, "the stuff I've done when my mother thought I was sleeping would curl your hair." He laughed and I added, "The first time I ran into Kairos, I died. I'm a little nervous, okay?" I wasn't going to tell him I'd camped out beside his house last night after he fell asleep. The guy did have his pride.

  Josh looked over his shoulder and backed up into the street. "Sorry," he said softly.

  He slowly accelerated toward town, and I waved bye to my dad standing on the porch. For crying out loud, could he be any more embarrassing? "Hey, thanks for texting this morning," I said. "I saw a black wing around dawn. How about you?"

  "Nothing." Frowning, he shoved his glasses up and made the turn to go to Rosewood Park. "I'm glad we had some breathing space, but we've got to get Kairos's amulet this morning. I can't take much more of Grace."

  "Really?" I questioned, and the angel made a huff of sound.

  "I ran out of hot water in my shower last night, and I'm sure it was her," he said. "The Internet wouldn't work, either. And my brother kept stubbing his toe all freaking night. Madison, she's driving me nuts."

  From the Harley bell came a tinkling laughter. "Josh was going to cut his face with his razor if he tried to use it without a mirror, and his brother was going to do something naughty, so I broke the signal to the Internet. And every time he swore, I made him stub his toe."

  I looked at the golden haze about the gently swaying bell. Josh had shaved? My lips pressed together as I remembered that stoplight crashing down. Clearly Grace didn't mind causing chaos if it was less horrific than the trouble she imagined she was preventing. "Nothing happened last night, Grace," I said to soothe her. "By noon, everything will be fine." I thought of that picture and the black wings, and I took a deep breath I didn't need. "Josh is okay, and he wouldn't be if you hadn't stayed with him. Don't you feel good about that?"

  "Ye-e-e-e-s," she drawled, sounding too pleased with herself for my peace of mind. I looked across the truck to Josh as we bounced along. "She's awfully smug," I said in warning.

  "Great," he said. "Grace," he said, clearly more comfortable today talking to the air than he was when I left him last night. "It doesn't matter if we get a flat tire on the way to the park, we're still going to do this, only we'll do it in the road instead of a nice quiet patch of ground where no one else will get hurt if things go wrong."

  The bell swayed gently. "Nothing is wrong," she almost purred.

  "I don't like this," I muttered. It was a feeling that grew the closer we got to the park and the more cars I saw. Some were even pulled onto the side of the road. Couples with kids were getting out, nervous from the traffic. Rosewood wasn't that big a park. There was never a lot of activity there, even on a Saturday.

  "Uh, Madison?" Josh questioned as he pulled into the park and found himself in a line. A van tucked in behind him, and we were trapped. Josh inched forward to a woman wearing a school cap. She was obviously directing traffic, and everyone was stopping to talk to her.

  Grace started to laugh, and I realized what had happened. The event had been moved from Blue Diamond Park to here. Great. Just great. No wonder Grace was giggling.

  "Grace!" I yelled, and Josh shot me a look to be quiet as he rolled his window down. I didn't have time for this! I had to face Kairos and get my life back!

  The woman with the hat peered at us in the sun. "Participant or attendee?" she asked.

  From the bell came a chiming, "A girl named Madison Avery, deemed she was smart and savory. So an order she gave, to an angel made slave, but soon she was shaken and wavery."

  Josh leaned out the window. "Uh, participant. I'm running the track and she's taking pictures."

  I held up my camera in explanation, but my conscience was smarting. I hadn't come here to take pictures, but here I was.

  The woman squinted at the full parking lot. "Drive right through to the end. We've got participants parking on the grass. Just follow the yellow balloons."

  "Follow the yellow balloons!" Grace chimed, whizzing around the cab, delighted at her success at keeping us from confronting Kairos.

  Josh nodded, but he didn't move forward. "Why aren't we at Blue Diamond?"

  The woman's eyebrows went up. "Oh, it was the oddest thing!" she exclaimed. "The sprinklers came on and ran all night. It's mud to your ankles, so everything was moved out here. Thanks for helping today. Be sure to stop at the hospitality tent."

  There was no way we were getting out of here anytime soon, and I leaned forward. "Do you know who I can talk to about setting up a table to develop my pictures?" I asked.

  Adjusting her hat, the woman thought. "I'd try Ms. Cartwright," she said, looking over the cars to the park. "She's overseeing everything. She'll be at the green tent."

  My head bobbed. I'd seen Ms. Cartwright in the halls at school, but I didn't know what she taught. "Thank you," I said, and I settled back in my seat, jittery. Damn it, Grace.

  Josh crept forward. "Follow the yellow balloons," he said sourly.

  Grace zipped from one end of the cab to the other. "Follow the yellow balloons!"

  I sighed, and my camera felt heavy on my chest. "Grace, you're evil," I whispered.

  "This stuff is easy," she said smugly. Apparently I'd been forgiven, since she sat on my shoulder and made my ears ring with the vibration from her wings.

  Josh eyed the parked cars as we passed, and sighed. "We can't fight Kairos here."

  Grace giggled, and I made a face. "Nope," I said. "I don't think we can leave, either."

  From my shoulder, Grace said, "If you try, you're going to get a flat tire, Joshua."

  Joshua, I thought, curious. "Don't try to leave," I said as we neared the exit. "You'll get a flat. Miss Limerick here doesn't want us getting into any trouble." Puppy presents, maybe we could walk out of here. Grace wouldn't make one of us break a leg or something, would she?

  "Limerick?" Josh asked, and I shook my head.

  "You really don't want to know." Yeah, Grace would probably break something, laughing all the way.

  He was concentrating on the parking lot, and I gripped the door handle when we went onto the grass and lurched in the ruts, following the cant-wise line of cars to the end until we parked in the shade of a spreading oak. The sound of our doors shutting seemed to echo as a handful of other people parked and got out of their vehicles. Josh had his gym bag with him, and my camera bag was over my shoulder. The air was crisp and cool under the tree, and I could sense the excitement as people slowly migrated from their cars to the open field. It had been a long, miserable night watching Josh's house, but the fact that I was sort of see-through had me worried about going invisible again so soon. I could put Kairos off for a few hours. Take a few pictures. Not be so much of a liar.

  "Grace, you stay with Josh. Please," I added belatedly as the glowing ball of light that was her wings took on a harsh hue. "He can't do his event with me running beside him."

  Her wings darkened to almost nothing, and a subdued «okay» came out of her.

  I didn't trust her show of meekness, and we slowly wove through the parked cars to the field. Halfway there I brought my camera up and snapped a picture of a child, awe on his face as he touched a clown's nose. A smile came over me as I looked at it in the viewer. The sky was a brilliant blue, and the clown's makeup was stark and perfect. Bright and bold.

  "Good day for a run," Josh said slowly.

  I nodded, feeling the air in my lungs. "I suppose we can do this awhile," I said, not wanting a meteor to drop on me if I tried to leave.

  "I pledged to run a couple of laps," he said. "I can't collect the money otherwise."

  Seeing his desire to run, I shift
ed my bag higher up my shoulder. It was heavy with my promise. Kairos could wait a couple of hours as long as Grace was watching Josh. "So, see you about noon?" I said as I made motions to head off to the green tent.

  Josh smiled, the sun in his hair. "Watch out for Amy."

  I smirked. It took skill to take a good picture. It took more to take a bad one. "You bet."

  He nodded and turned. I waited a moment to be sure Grace went with him, then headed for the green tent and Ms. Cartwright.

  CHAPTER 8

  The wind shifted the purple tips of my hair in front of the camera, and I waited until it cleared. I slowly followed Josh's loping body around the track, zooming in as he rounded the turn and I could see his face. He breathed in, and I snapped the shot, immediately moving the camera from my eye to see what I'd captured in the viewing screen.

  I couldn't help my smile. He looked suitably tortured, eyes pinched and mouth open. Sweat made his hair stick to his forehead. Behind him were the blurry and colorful shapes of the other runners. In the foreground was a hazy ball of light anyone else would say was a camera artifact, but I knew it was Grace. Josh would be glad to see some evidence of her.

  The sound of running feet pulled my attention up. "Looking good, Josh!" I shouted, and I got a quick wave in return. He wasn't as tired as the picture indicated. And it wasn't a race. The track team was simply making sure someone was on the field at all times, sort of a daylong marathon. At the outside of the track was a much slower-moving group of nonathletes. It was as much a social event as anything else, and I could hear the ladies talking about their kids as they power walked, earning dollars per lap to help buy a new activity bus.