Ghost Mysteries & Sassy Witches (Cozy Mystery Multi-Novel Anthology) Read online

  Eli felt like a hot air balloon deflating. They weren’t there to catch a ghost after all. They were on a microwave service call. The disappointment was too much to bear standing up. He dropped the heavy camouflage-print bag to the floor, then pulled out a kitchen chair and sat with a sigh.

  “What has the microwave been saying?” Khan asked.

  Eli sighed again.

  Khan gave Eli a dirty look, then squatted down to open the bag.

  The man answered, “I should have had her write it down, sorry.” His cloudy eyes were still trained on the space where Khan’s head had been a moment earlier. He was either blind or nearly blind. “Something about needing to talk. Always asking to talk, to have a conversation. I never paid it much attention, but like I said, I don’t want to lose the housekeeper. She brings my groceries.”

  “Most people would get a new microwave,” Khan said.

  The man scoffed. “Nothing wrong with that one.”

  Something about the man’s tone sent a shiver up Eli’s back. His voice had doubled in strength, as though he was overcompensating for something. He was lying.

  Khan pulled from the bag a tool the size of a TV remote control. He waved it over the front of the microwave. He pressed some of the buttons, ran the microwave on defrost for thirty seconds, then opened the door and waved the device inside.

  “I’m detecting a mild surge,” Khan said. “Where’s the main electrical panel for the house?”

  The man reached out one bony arm and pointed to a hallway off the kitchen. “Down that hall, in the back of the linen closet. It’s behind some shelves, and I know that’s not up to code.”

  Khan chuckled. “That’s fine, Mr. Quentin. We’re not the building code enforcers. We’re the good guys, the knights without armor. There’s no need to hide anything from us.”

  The old man’s body jerked, and he began to cough.

  Eli jumped to his feet and quickly poured him a glass of water. He gently pressed the glass into the man’s hands, trying not to shudder at the webs of blue veins visible beneath the man’s translucent skin.

  Hidden things are meant to be hidden, Eli thought. Close your eyes, close your eyes and don’t look.

  Khan dug around in the pack again and pulled out what looked like a car battery, as well as some cables.

  “You stay here and read out exactly what the microwave says,” Khan instructed Eli.

  Eli replied, “I don’t think I can do this.” He tried to communicate with his facial expression that enough was enough, and he didn’t want to scam the elderly Mr. Quentin. If the man had been wealthy or mean, he wouldn’t have minded, but this wasn’t right. All he wanted to do was help.

  “Yes, you can,” Khan said.

  Glaring boldly into Khan’s eyes, Eli said, “Mr. Quentin, I’m going to buy you a new microwave. I’ve got a delivery van, and I’m going to deliver it out here tomorrow.”

  Khan’s eyes seemed to glow with an internal green fire.

  “That won’t be necessary,” Mr. Quentin said firmly. “Nothing wrong with this one. I know what all the buttons do.”

  “But a new microwave would probably be cheaper than whatever we’re charging.”

  Grumpily, the old man replied, “I won’t have it.”

  Eli shrugged at Khan to show he’d given up. “You heard the man. Time to do an exorcism on the microwave.”

  Khan’s dark eyebrows were as flat and still as painted lines. “Eli, You have one simple task. One simple task. Don’t mess it up.” He turned away and marched down the hallway with the cables and box.

  Eli followed, saying in a hushed voice, “But I don’t even have a script. Even if I could do it, and I can’t, I wouldn’t know what to say. What’s the scam?”

  “No scam.” Khan opened the door to the linen closet, pushed aside stacks of towels, and removed a shelf.

  “Fine. So, I’ll go stand in the kitchen and read out whatever Mr. Microwave wants to say to Mr. Quentin.”

  “One simple task.”

  With a frustrated sigh, Eli turned and started back to the kitchen.

  Khan banged around in the linen closet. The overhead lights in the whole house flickered. The house had small windows, so despite the bright spring day outside, it was uncomfortably dark inside when the lights went off. The lights flashed again just as he entered the kitchen and brushed against a silk houseplant resting in an alcove. The soft leaves brushed his cheek in a terrifying way.

  Eli let out a surprised yelp. Mr. Quentin seemed startled by the yelp, but not the lights flashing. The man was completely, utterly blind.

  Eli stuck his hands in his pockets and looked around the kitchen for more threats. There was just the one silk houseplant, and now he had his eye on it. He paced around, cautiously snooping without touching. The refrigerator was covered in family photographs spanning a few decades.

  The lights flickered again, but this time he didn’t yelp.

  From down the hall, Khan called out, “Anything yet?”

  Eli glanced over at the microwave and called back, “Nothing at the moment, except the time. It’s ten o’clock on the dot. That’s a one, a zero, a colon, then a zero and another zero.”

  Mr. Quentin chuckled from his seat at the kitchen table. He took another slow sip of water and stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused but still open. Eli wondered why it was blind people kept their eyes open, and decided it must have something to do with the muscles. He thought of that saying, about how it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.

  He stood and looked over the family photos on the fridge, testing his muscles by alternating between smiling and frowning. According to the photos, Mr. Quentin had been a rugged man years ago. He looked so proud standing with his beautiful wife and two children.

  As the years progressed and the son and daughter grew to match him in height, he looked less rugged, and less proud.

  The lights flickered again, and something at the edge of Eli’s vision moved. He whipped his head and found nothing. The shape had been to his lower left. He took a deep breath and tried to consciously calm his sympathetic nervous system. Back in college, he’d seen those same dark shapes at the edges of his vision during final assignments. Intense anxiety caused those things, the way lack of sleep gave him deja vu. The brain was a computer, and sometimes it just glitched. A good night’s sleep was the equivalent of turning it off and on.

  “How about now?” Khan called out.

  Eli looked over at the microwave. “It says one, zero, colon, zero, two.”

  “Is that all?” Khan asked.

  Eli opened the door of the microwave. The light came on inside. He closed the door. The digital display still showed the time. Mr. Microwave was not asking for a blood sacrifice or even initiating small talk.

  He refilled Mr. Quentin’s water glass and returned to looking over the candid photos on the fridge. Something at the back of his mind tickled him, but it was like that sensation you get when you can’t remember someone’s name, even though you’ve said it a hundred times.

  That little something stayed at the back of Eli’s head for the next thirty minutes. He was aware of the thought, but it was like a chocolate hidden behind the cardboard door of a Christmas advent calendar.

  If he’d gotten just a little more sleep the night before, Eli might have noticed that the microwave kept displaying the time, even though the power disruptions had caused the clocks on the stove and coffee maker to lose memory and begin flashing 12:00.

  And if he hadn’t been staring out the kitchen window at the fields in the distance, he might have noticed when the microwave displayed a new digital message: WE NEED TO TALK.

  After an hour, Mr. Quentin had drifted off to sleep, his head resting on his forearm on the table.

  Eli carefully washed the used water glass and returned it to the cupboard, exactly where he’d found it. He checked the microwave and walked down the hall to give Khan a report.

  “It’s flashing twelve now,” he said. “
So’s the coffee maker and the stove.”

  Khan looked sweaty and frustrated. He had electrical cables and wires strung everywhere.

  “It should have worked.”

  Eli reached out to touch what looked like a modified vehicle battery.

  “Don’t touch that,” Khan warned.

  Annoyed at being bossed around, Eli touched the box anyway. The electrical shock traveled up his finger and clenched all his muscles. He convulsed, unable to let go of the contact. His teeth began to grind together with a squeaking sound. Khan very calmly used a pair of silicon-tipped barbecue tongs to pry Eli’s hand off the box and then shove him back.

  Eli collapsed on the hallway floor, gasping for breath.

  Khan had been looking dejected, but this seemed to make him feel better. “I told you not to touch it.”

  “This is total bull.” Eli stood up on shaking legs. “I’m going back into the city to get Mr. Quentin a new microwave. You can stay here trying to burn his house down if you want.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t see any message on the digital readout? The ion-boosts should have summoned the trapped spirit.”

  “I didn’t see anything.”

  “Were you watching the microwave the whole time?”

  Eli’s guts convulsed with what felt like an aftershock from the box. He hadn’t been watching the whole time, but he had checked repeatedly. Was that not good enough?

  Just then, Mr. Quentin, who must have woken up, called out, “Hello? Are you still here?”

  “We’re just about done,” Eli called back. “No charge for today’s visit, because we didn’t do anything except rearrange all your linens.”

  Looking resigned, Khan began rolling up wires and unhooking his contraption from the home’s wiring. The linen closet smelled like smoke and sardines.

  “Go to the kitchen and run through the questionnaire,” he instructed Eli. “There’s a laminated card in the backpack. Just fill in the boxes with the red felt pen as you go.”

  “A questionnaire? Don’t you think we should have started with that?”

  Khan grinned, showing off his dimple and boyish charm. Eli’s annoyance over having his time wasted and his body violently electrocuted started to fade. There were worse ways to spend his day off, such as going to IKEA with Brenda.

  Chapter Nine

  Khan tossed the keys to Eli as they left the dilapidated farmhouse. “You can drive, my man.”

  Eli climbed into the driver’s side slowly. He was puzzling over the questionnaire and the answers Mr. Quentin gave him. Something wasn’t adding up, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

  Maybe the problem was that they came out to deal with a ghost, and ghosts weren’t… scientifically proven to be real.

  They began the drive back into the city.

  Khan reclined the passenger seat and donned a pair of aviator-style sunglasses. He pulled out the laminated card and reviewed the notes Eli had taken back at the house.

  “I hate closing a case like this,” Khan said gravely. “Let’s see… you checked off that the client swears nobody died inside the house or on the grounds. That includes no accidents with farm equipment, not even involving a non-family member. Seems odd to me that a house that old, on a farm that big, wouldn’t have one death associated with it.”

  “I asked the questions verbatim. All of them.”

  “Could have been something from before the house was built. Early settlers, or an ancient burial ground. Old souls, shaken out of resting. They can be very angry, and confused.”

  Eli got a chill that ran up the back of his spine. “Ooh, scary,” he half-joked.

  “Except there hasn’t been any disturbance of the grounds, not beyond a few inches to plow the fields.”

  “If you ask me,” Eli offered cautiously, “sounds like the housekeeper is the source of the problem. She might be a little nuts, or trying to shake him down for more money.” He didn’t say it, but he silently accused Khan of trying to do the same.

  Khan kept looking over the completed questionnaire and confirming the answers Eli had jotted down. The house was no longer connected to the farmland around it, which had been sold off years ago. The man lived a peaceful life, and there’d been no recent changes to explain a haunting.

  They turned onto the next road, where Eli noticed a familiar sign on the left. It was a horse ranch he’d visited a few times in his youth, where city kids rode rented horses through wooded paths. Many of his classmates only rode the horses past the ridge, where they jumped off, tied the reins to fallen tree branches, and let the horses graze while they enjoyed their contraband.

  Eli, being a known tattletale, wasn’t ever invited to partake. He didn’t care, though. He enjoyed riding, and didn’t mind that his legs would be sore the next day. Muscle soreness meant he was becoming stronger, and he enjoyed the horse ride for the ride itself.

  As the memory expanded, Eli longed for the touch of a horse’s velvet fur under his hands, over those grass-fed muscles, shining in the dappled sun. There was no form of sun more beautiful than the kind that streamed through leaves, onto a horse’s flanks.

  Khan was still talking, but no longer asking questions—just mumbling to himself about the case.

  Trees whipped by along the sides of the road. As they drew nearer the city outskirts, the van seemed to be more responsive to the gas pedal, like the lazy horses who only wanted to trot when pointed back to the barn. Eli tapped on the steering wheel to distract himself from his longing—his longing to wrap his arms around the strong neck of a horse, to inhale the earthy scent of its dried sweat.

  “You’re quiet,” Khan said.

  “Just thinking about horses.”

  Khan ignored the potential for a topic change. “We’re missing something. I could hear most of what he said from where I was down the hall, and it sounded like Mr. Quentin wanted to go live with his daughter and grandkids. He painted a nice picture of moving in with them, yet here he is, holed up in that old house, like he’s waiting for something.”

  “Maybe he’s waiting to die, and doesn’t want to be a bother. Everyone should respect his wishes.”

  Khan pulled off his mirrored sunglasses to give Eli a withering glare. “Dark, Eli. Real dark.”

  “You saw the guy. He’s like a scarecrow. He probably doesn’t have long.”

  “Aside from the blindness, he’s in good health,” Khan scolded, a silent ‘you idiot’ at the end of his sentence. “There’s something else.”

  Eli bristled at Khan’s tone and responded with sarcasm. “Excuse me. I didn’t realize you were a doctor and gave him a full physical examination. I guess when you electrocuted me with your contraption, it must have wiped my memory.”

  “I told you not to touch it.” You idiot.

  “Well, whatever. The old man doesn’t want to move, and everyone should respect his decisions. All his decisions. And his dignity.”

  “Nope.” Khan put the sunglasses back on and crossed his arms. “His daughter probably worries about him constantly. Every night when she goes to bed, she closes her eyes and imagines her elderly father slipping in the tub and breaking a hip, with no one around for miles to hear him call for help.” He rolled the window down, then up again, then down. “He’s a selfish old bastard, making her worry like that.”

  An idea lit up Eli’s brain. “I’ve got it,” he cried excitedly. “The housekeeper is in cahoots with the daughter. She made up the haunting stuff to try to force him out. I wish I’d figured it out back there. I could have warned him. I’ll tell him tomorrow when I bring out the new microwave.”

  “Don’t.”

  “You can’t stop me. Tomorrow’s my day off work, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

  “I’ll come with you. Valentine’s been working on a new Booster—that’s the thing you stuck your grubby hand on when I told you not to.”

  “Would Valentine come with us?”

  “You wish.”

  Eli clamped his teeth togeth
er and focused on the highway.

  That settled it. If Valentine wasn’t coming, Khan wasn’t either. Eli would drive the new microwave out himself tomorrow, and have another chat with Mr. Quentin. He’d share his thoughts about the old man moving to be with his family, and he’d leave it at that. If a person had an idea for how they wanted to die, that was something Eli respected. Something he had to respect.

  When they reached the city, they got caught in traffic. The counter-flow lanes were switched to direct cars away from the city, and the van lurched impatiently from red light to red light, like a lazy horse in want of its oats. Eli hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and his mouth perversely salivated at the idea of a bucket of oats.

  Eli pulled over in front of the Ghost Hackers storefront. The drive had been long, yet it had been too fast. Despite their differences, he didn’t want to say goodbye to Khan.

  “Wait,” he said right after Khan stepped out.

  Khan turned to face him, and in his mirrored sunglasses, Eli saw his own face. His pathetic face.

  Eli wanted to lay his cards on the table and offer what little he had. Growing up, he’d been a loner, and it wasn’t by choice. Everyone knew he was a tattletale, and except for one long summer that started off idyllic and ended in horror, he’d never been part of anything.

  He wanted to push past his fear of rejection, but it was a real and physical thing—an actual lump in his throat. A fence his weak words couldn’t climb.

  Khan mercifully threw him a rope. “You hungry?” he asked, the invitation to have dinner together implicit.

  Eli breathed a sigh of relief. “Starving.”

  “There’s a diner up the street. Come on. It’s not pretty on the outside, or on the inside. The staff’s rude and the food’s terrible.”

  Eli nodded to show he was listening, and wondered if this was a test. Rude staff and terrible food? This diner sounded an awful like his other alternative of going home to eat with Brenda.

  Khan offered no details about any benefits of the diner that might offset its many flaws. He simply finished with, “I’m going there now. You can come if you want.”