Once Dead, Twice Shy Read online

  "Me?" I stammered. "Uh…"

  Josh looked askance at me. "That's why you were at the school, right?"

  "Not really," I said. "I was meeting someone. They left. My tire went flat." The angel edged into my vision, and I slapped at it. "Wow, big mosquito," I said, and it hummed in indignation, the light shifting brighter.

  "And you came here because you didn't want your dad to find out you were meeting someone?" Josh said. "Gotcha." Sighing, he looked to the top of the hill as if he was distancing himself from me already.

  I was screwing this up royally. "It's not my dad; it's my neighbor," I said.

  "Mrs. Walsh?" Josh asked, startling me.

  "You've heard of her?" I said, finding myself grinning at his understanding smile.

  He nodded. "My friend Parker lives on your street. That woman goes through his garbage to pull out the recyclables. Creepy old bat."

  "That's awful." Feeling better, I dropped my eyes. "I didn't expect to get a flat tire. I mean, it's only five miles to my house…you know." Puffing beside Josh with the bike between us, I glanced at him, wishing I hadn't yelled at the guardian angel. Josh was silent as we reached the top, and as soon as we were both on level ground, I reached for the handlebars, nervously trying not to touch his fingers. "Thanks," I said as I looked at his truck parked on the side of the road. He was going north, and I was going south, into town. "I think I can get it from here."

  Josh's hands slipped from the chrome. "Is everything okay? You're kind of jittery."

  I jerked the bike from him. "I'm fine. Why?"

  He shoved his glasses up. "Your hair is wet, and I know you weren't on the track. Did someone give you a swirly or something? You're acting like my sister when she's in trouble and the world is out to get her."

  I felt cornered, and my pace quickened. "No more trouble than usual," I said with false cheerfulness. A car whizzed by. It was the last of the track team. Cripes, I missed my car.

  Josh was silent, his steps slowing as we got farther from his truck. "Look, I know how dads can be. Mine keeps such a tight leash on me I can't take a leak without him checking to see that I washed my hands."

  Halting, I looked up. "It's not my dad. He's cool."

  "What is your problem?" Josh said. "I'm just trying to help."

  My eyebrows rose when the ball of light made a kissing sound. "He's trying to he-e-e-elp," it crooned, and Josh shivered when it landed on his shoulder. Great, the thing belonged to the cupid union. This was not what I needed.

  "I'm fine. Really. Thanks," I said shortly, shoving my bike through the loose gravel.

  "Well, I'm not," he said darkly, and I kept going. "Listen, I'm not trying to hit on you, but I've been having these dreams about you for the last three weeks and it's freaking me out."

  I stopped, unable to turn around. He's dreaming about me?

  "There once was a poet from Plunket—"

  I swung at the angel as if going for a fly, and with a little ping of sensation, I hit it. It arced across the road with a faint yelp, and I stared at Josh. He's dreaming about me?

  "Never mind," he said, turning away. "I gotta go."

  "Josh."

  He waved his hand at me, but he didn't look back as he trudged over to his truck.

  "Josh?" I called again, then stiffened at the shadow that raced over the ground between us. My eyes went up as fear sliced through me. A black wing. Here? What the devil?

  "Josh!" I shouted. Son of a dead puppy. Somewhere in my town, a reaper walked. Hunting. Hunting me? But Ron had changed my resonance!

  The sour tinkling of bells told me my angel had returned. "How long is a cubit?" I asked the angel breathlessly as Josh neared his truck.

  "About a foot and a half," it said tightly. "You got grass stains on my dress. You're a nasty person, you know that?"

  Dress? It's a girl, then.

  "Why?" she asked, and then she tinkled in understanding. "Oh, nice. Black wings. Don't worry. They can't sense you if I'm nearby. I've got a field of immunity. It's like you're not even there."

  "Yeah, I've got it too," I said. "But if they can't sense me, then why are they here?"

  "Him, I think. Yes. Him. Someone's hunting him."

  My eyes widened. Him? She means Josh? Why? And then I got it. My amulet resonance had been changed too late. Nakita had followed me back, at least as far as Three Rivers, but lost me when Ron shifted things. And since neither she nor Kairos would stand on a street corner and wait for me to walk by, they were trying to find me by hunting someone I might be with. Kairos had met Josh at the prom. Talked to him. Saw him and his aura. They were tracking me down through Josh—the only person both Kairos and I knew.

  "Call Barnabas," I said to the angel, frightened.

  "Can't do that," she said lightly. "I'm not experienced enough to touch thoughts with anyone. I'm a first-sphere guardian angel."

  "Then go get Ron," I said to her, seeing the black wing start to circle.

  "Can't do that, either." Whirling about my head, she sent flashes of light into my eyes. "I'm instructed to keep you safe and report reapers. You're safe."

  "What about Josh?" I asked, and she hummed as if she didn't care.

  Josh's truck's door creaked open, and I panicked.

  "Josh!" Shoving my bike along, I awkwardly ran down the center of the empty road. "Josh, I'm sorry," I gushed as I reached the driver's door and grabbed the open window. "Wait." My heart pounded as I looked up, but the black wing had started to veer off already. My tension eased, then shifted to worry. The angel wouldn't protect him, but if I stayed with Josh, he'd be under my immunity. If the black wings couldn't sense him, then neither could Kairos or Nakita. Why hadn't I worked harder on thought-touching? It sure would be handy about now.

  Josh sat with his hands on his wheel, staring at me as a car drove slowly around us. "Madison, you are one weird dudette."

  "Yeah, I know," I rushed. "Give me a ride to the bike shop? I need a new tire."

  Cocking his head, Josh looked at me. I'd do just about anything right now not to have to explain, but I'd also do anything to keep him safe. It was my fault he was in danger. I might be dead, but I still had to live with myself, and if I walked away, Josh would suffer. Maybe die.

  "I'm at the bottom of a ravine, aren't I?" I blurted desperately, my eyes pleading for him to listen. "In a black convertible. In your dream."

  Josh's mouth dropped open. "How do you know that?"

  I licked my lips, feeling the heat come up off the road like the fires of hell. I knew better than to break the false memory Ron had given Josh. But he wasn't here, and I didn't know how to reach him. "Because it wasn't a dream," I said.

  CHAPTER 4

  Seeing as how it was about twenty years old, Josh's truck was spare in the amenities. It had manual locks, manual windows, a long bench seat, and no air conditioner. It had a monster of a stereo, though, and he had to move a crate of CDs to the middle before I could get in. Hard rock, mostly, and some classic rockers my dad listened to. Wendy would have liked the harder stuff. He hadn't turned the music on, and I was getting nervous from the ongoing silence.

  A Harley bell hung from the radio knob, and my guardian angel had parked herself on it with a satisfied hum the moment she followed me in. I swear I'd heard her singing when Josh did a three-point turn and headed us into town, the bell swinging softly.

  His gym bag was shoved under the seat, and the narrow space behind the front seat held an expensive-looking fly rod. I couldn't help but wonder why Josh drove an old truck when I knew his dad could afford a lot better.

  He was a good driver, silent as we made our way to the bike shop. His curiosity as to how I knew about his dream had gotten me a ride, but now he seemed to be waiting for me to elaborate. I didn't quite know what to say as I sat beside him, and I leaned forward into the sun to look out the front window for black wings. There was only blue sky, which made me feel better. No black wings meant no reapers. The one always followed the other.

 
; "What are you looking at?" Josh asked, and I leaned back.

  "Nothing." The old truck bounced as we went over a bridge, and the homes started to shift to businesses. He was waiting for me to say something. Since we only had about five stoplights to go, I sighed. "What do you remember about the prom?" I asked softly.

  "That you were a real—" His words cut off, and his neck went red. "Uh."

  "I was nasty," I finished for him, wincing. "I'm sorry. I was mad when I found out you'd only asked me to the prom because your dad wanted you to, because my dad was worried about me being new to town and not knowing anyone. I was a class-A bitch."

  "No, you weren't," he said, but I could tell he was still mad about it. I remained silent, and he added, "You left with someone I didn't know, and I went home early. That's it."

  My fingers played with the weather stripping around the open window as I hesitated, and he slowed as the traffic thickened. "I left with a guy you'd never seen before," I said softly, "but you followed us to make sure I got home okay."

  Josh's grip shifted, as if I'd said something he'd never told anyone else.

  "That was sweet of you," I said, and he swallowed, making his Adam's apple shift. "I was being stupid. I was mad at the world for my mom shipping me up here. What happened wasn't your fault." I took a slow breath as I found the next words. "He drove right off the road. The car rolled to land right side up at the bottom of a hill." My grip tightened as Josh stopped at a four-way, and I put a hand to my middle. I didn't feel so good.

  "He had a sword," Josh said, then crossed the intersection. "In my dream, I mean."

  His voice had gone defensive, like he didn't believe it, and I moved my hand to my knee to hide the scrape the boat's carpet had given me. "The crash didn't kill me," I continued, "so he, uh, yeah. He scythed me. I don't remember anything after that until I woke up in the morgue."

  Josh made a noise of disbelief. "Nice, Madison," he scoffed. "So now you're dead."

  The glow around the Harley bell brightened, and the guardian angel blurted, "Oh my God in heaven, you are dead. Why am I guarding a dead person?"

  Ignoring her, I gripped my amulet tight as she buzzed up to look at it. "Oh-h-h-h!" she hissed, her glow almost going out. "Kairos is going to go supernova. Does he know you have his amulet? Where did you get it? Did Chronos give it to you? How did he get it?"

  I squinted through her glow at Josh. Crap. This was not going well. She wasn't supposed to know. Ron was going to be ticked. But as long as she was with me, she couldn't leave to blab it around. Josh was shaking his head. I lifted my chin angrily. "Okay then. Tell me what you remember about your dream."

  His grip shifted on the wheel, and he turned us into the downtown district. "It's kind of foggy," he hedged. "You know how dreams get when you think about them."

  "Well?" I prompted, and he frowned.

  "I called 911. In my dream," he said, his neck muscles tight. "They told me to stay on the line, but I didn't. I ran down to see if you were all right. You were alone by the time I got to you, and you just sort of…went to sleep. Stopped breathing."

  And I haven't had a real need to start up again since, I thought sourly. "Then what?" I didn't know what happened between my dying and the morgue. Barnabas wouldn't talk about it.

  "Uh…" Josh kept his eyes on the road, looking nervous. "The ambulance got there before the cops. They put you in a black zipper bag. The sound of it going up…I'll never forget that." His posture shifted, and he seemed to be almost embarrassed. "The paramedics were really quiet when they lifted you out of the car. It was their job, but they were sad."

  "I don't remember that part," I whispered. The guardian angel had gone back to her bell and was silently listening, her glow vanishing as soon as she landed.

  "The cops…" Josh paused, pretending to look both ways as he collected himself. "They put me in the backseat, and they drove me to the hospital to get me checked out even though I said I hadn't been in the car. Then your dad was there. He was crying."

  Guilt hunched me over. Ron said he had blocked this from my dad's memories, but how could he be sure? This was a nightmare.

  "He said it wasn't my fault," Josh said, his voice low. "But I should've taken you home. And then the dream switches. Like nothing happened. I'm home cleaning the mud off my good shoes before my dad yells at me." I looked at him, and he shook his head while he watched the road. "And that's the weird thing, because I remember cleaning my shoes." He looked at his hands, then the road. "It was like it never happened and you were okay. I hate dreams like that."

  I wondered how he could dismiss it as a dream, but I could see him trying to figure out where he had gotten mud on his shoes if he hadn't slid down a ravine after me.

  "I ruined my dress," I said. "I'm still trying to pay for it."

  Josh gave me a sideways look and shifted his grip on the wheel. "It was a dream. I mean, you're here. Alive."

  I put my elbow on the open window and reached to touch the top. "Well, I'm here."

  A scoffing noise came from him. "You're alive."

  I fingered my amulet. "Not really." He stopped behind a gray Corvette, turning to me with a smile quirking his lips, and I said again, "Really, I'm not."

  From Josh's Harley bell a tinkling voice said, "There once was a girl who wore Keds, who told everyone she was dead. Till they said she was hazy and labeled her crazy, and put her on all sorts of meds."

  My bobbing foot—which was not wearing Keds—hit the bell, and the noise jerked Josh out of his reverie. "You know what?" he said as the Corvette and then his truck started moving again. "Forget I said anything. Man, everyone at school told me you were weird. I said you only needed someone to talk to, but damn, girl. You're whacked if you believe that, and if you don't, then you're really sad to be looking for attention by telling me you're dead."

  I could understand why he didn't want to believe, but it still irritated me. "Well, let me fill in the gaps of your dream, okay?" I said tartly, giving up on keeping my angel in the dark. If Ron hadn't wanted her to know I had Kairos's amulet, he shouldn't have left her with me. "Kairos is dark, with a sexy accent that could make the lead singer of a girl band pee her pants. He kissed me. You remember that. I saw you."

  "You kissed Kairos?" the guardian angel said, her already high voice going thin and wondrous. "I don't even want to know what you did to get his amulet. Oh. My. God!"

  That was insulting, and Josh saw me glare at the bell before he turned back to the road.

  "Kairos held the door open for me when I got into his convertible," I continued. "You and Barnabas followed us out. Remember Barnabas? Tall guy with an annoyed expression? Anyway, the top was down." The better to kill you with, my dear.

  The guardian angel laughed merrily. "Barnabas messed up your scythe prevention? Is that why he hasn't been working lately? Holy sweet seraph nubs. This gets better by the second!"

  Josh was listening now too, and, encouraged, I continued, "The car goes off on the right side of the road," I said, going somber as I remembered it. "It flips twice. The windshield shatters on the first hit. I've got my seat belt on, so I don't get thrown out. It saved my life." I looked down at the belt around me now. Old habits… "When it's done rolling, Kairos is standing next to my door like nothing happened," I whispered, "and his nasty blade goes right through the car and me both. It leaves no blood. Not a mark."

  The angel was on my knee, and a feeling of sympathy and warmth stole into me like a sunbeam. I gave her a smile, then looked up, tossing my hair from my eyes. "You left your car running. And you called my name twice as you ran down the hill." I felt sick remembering the fear in his voice. "I'm sorry, Josh. It wasn't your fault."

  "Stop," he said. His hands gripped the wheel tight and he was breathing fast.

  "He doesn't believe you," the angel said tartly.

  "Would you have rather I let you keep believing it was a dream?" I protested.

  Josh turned into the bike shop's lot, easing to a stop and putting his tru
ck into park. "You are not dead."

  I shrugged as I undid my seat belt. "They seemed to think so at the morgue."

  Josh reached across the truck and jabbed a finger at me.

  "Ow!" I yelped, drawing back and covering my upper arm as the angel giggled.

  He smirked. "You're not dead. It's not funny anymore. Knock it off."

  My pulse jumped into play, and I tried to stifle it. "It's the amulet. It gives me the illusion of a body." And my memory of being alive supplies the rest, I thought glumly.

  "What amulet?" he asked, and I fished it out, holding it for his inspection. Josh's eyes widened, and I pulled it out of his reach, not wanting him to touch it.

  "I swiped it from Kairos when he showed up at the morgue to claim my soul," I said, letting it thump back against me. "As long as I've got it, I'm fairly safe. But, uh, you aren't."

  "Oh-h-h-h-h," the angel murmured. "Madison, you are in so much trouble. I'm glad you're dead already. I don't think I could keep you alive if you weren't."

  That made me feel tons better, and I scanned the sky for black wings. There was a haze of darker cloud in the distance. Crows?

  "God, you're weird," Josh said as he turned off his truck and started to get out, the old metal creaking when he opened his door.

  "You don't believe me?" I said, aghast. "After what I told you?" Ron was going to be royally P.O.'ed if I'd blown Josh's new memory for nothing. Not to mention he'd be mad at me for telling my guardian angel about the amulet. What did he expect, though? I was freaking dead. I think she would have figured it out eventually, first-sphere or not.

  Josh was smiling as if it was a big joke. "I'll help you with your bike, Mad Madison. Can you get home from here?"

  I stared at his empty seat when he got out, steaming from the nickname. I hated it. Hated it passionately. The first time I'd been sent to the principal's office it had been because I'd shoved a girl down for singing it. I'd been six, and it took most of my elementary school career to live it down.

  My eyes closed in a long blink so I could find my temper, and I followed him. "Josh!" I exclaimed as I met him in back. "I'm not making this up. You know that's what happened! You were there!"